Mystuck
by AgentJX7
Summary: A boy and his four friends play a game together.
1. Chapter 1

ACT 1: ENTRANCE

HA: Begin Story, perhaps without too many of these silly commands.

You were just getting to that.

You are now a young boy. I would ask you to give him a name, but he already has one. His name is JAMES INGEN.

Your interests include WRITING, VIDEO GAMES, and ROCKING THE FUCK OUT with your best friend. You also love HOMESTUCK, which is partially the reason that one of your friends is freaking the fuck out. Three nights ago, while only the two of you were on the chatroom that you all use, a stranger entered the room. He then proceeded to speak with you in the guise of KARKAT VANTAS. You were unable to disprove his validity, and with the inability to spoof an IP on Pesterchum, you started to wonder if he was the real deal.

You look around your room, which is covered in posters and various printouts of SONG LYRICS. You have spent the last several hours trying to convince your friend to calm down. She is really being quite impractical-

You suddenly find yourself unable to continue this train of thought because you are suddenly too busy being the friend from earlier.

Your name is REI PURSLEY, and right now you're having a minor freak-out at the prospect that the KARKAT you spoke to was indeed the real deal. Your interests include WRITING, HOMESTUCK, and ANNOYING YOUR FRIENDS, especially JAMES. Currently, you are too busy needing his help to decipher the KARKAT incident to bother him. Suddenly, the best friend from earlier becomes the British one, leaving us with no choice but to be the Canadian boyfriend.

You are now AYJAY NOIRE. Your intrests include HOMESTUCK, TRANSFORMERS, and YOUR GIRLFRIEND. You are a pretty damn good RPer, and proud of it. You also have a bit of a fascination with JACK NOIR, and thin that he's by far the coolest character from the comic. You become your girlfriend for no reason.

Your name is ROSE SMITH. You are BRITISH, and all your friends think this is beyond cool. You're really not sure why, other than the cool accent. Your intrests include DRAWING, RPING, and HOMESTUCK. Right now, your friends are in the middle of a mystery, and you want to help them with this, but the author is SO DONE WITH THIS AND THERE'S ONLY ONE GODDAMN MORE CHARACTER. FOR NOW.

Your name is DYLAN WILLARD. Your best friend, JAMES, is currently panicking because of the KARKAT thing. You wish he would get over it already. Your intrests include DRUMMING, VIDEO GAMES, and TERRARIA. You have never read HOMESTUCK, and don't see what the big deal is. You really don't care.

And suddenly, there is a character select screen!

You can be JAMES, REI, or DYLAN.

JAMES: Receive communications from patron troll.

Got it. You are now back to JAMES. You are being pestered by someone else now. You wonder if it's another "troll…"

arsenicCatnip(ac) began trolling cyberController (cC) at 13:45.

ac: :33 Hello?

cC:/x/wEll hI thErE!

cC:/x/rEI? Is thAt yOU?

cC:/x/nOw Is nOt thE tImE fOr An rp.

ac: :33 *ac growls quizzically and tilts her head.* who is Rei? i've nefur heard of someone named rei.

ac: :33 besides, there's ALWAYS time fur an RP!

cC:/x/sO, whO ArE yOU thEn?

ac: :33 Nepeta!

cC:/x/rIIIIIIIIIIIIght.

cC:/x/plEAsE cOntInUE.

ac: :33 *ac looks hurt* mew don't believe me.

cC:/x/wEll, hAng On. *chEcks dAtA*

cC:/x/Oh shIt

cC:/x/I hAvE All my frIEnds Ips mEmOrIzEd

cC:/x/yOUrs Is UnfAmIlIAr

ac: :33 h33 h33!

ac: :33 told you!

cC:/x/wOw

cC:/x/OkAy

cC:/x/I cOUldn't bElIEvE It whEn kArkAt spOkE tO Us

ac: :33 I knew mew'd come around eventfurry!

ac: :33 but I honestly nefur would have guessed mew'd accept me so easily!

cC:/x/I'm mOrE bElIEvIng thAn mOst Of my frIEnds.

cC:/x/sO why dId yOU mEssAgE mE?

cC:/x/mOrE stUff AboUt OUr sEssIOn?

ac: :33 well, sort of.

ac: :33 but also to just talk to mew!

ac: :33 we have to get along well

cC:/x/And why Is thAt?

ac: :33 I'm your patron troll!

cC:/x/wOUldn't gAmzEE bE my pAtrOn?

ac: :33 we made a switch to stop things furom getting boring.

cC:/x/wEll, I AlwAys dId lIkE yOU bEttEr

cC:/x/I'm going to stop using that quirk.

ac: :33 okay.

ac: :33 i came to tell mew that mew have to lead your session.

cC:/x/ I'm the leader?

cC:/x/I would have guessed Rei.

cC:/x/Is that it?

ac: :33 yep!

ac: :33 now what are your opinions on…

cC:/x/Shipping? ;)

You then proceed to have a conversation about shipping that would put the audience into a sweetness-induced state of catatonia if it was reproduced here in full. The important stuff happened at the end, which we go to now:

cC:/x/Oh, definitely. Purrfection in a ship right there.

ac: :33 *ac frisks her tail about, purrlayfully.* h33 h33! I know, right!

ac: :33 what about your furends?

cC:/x/My friends?

cC:/x/Can't say I haven't thought about it.

cC:/x/I think Rei would go well with Vriska or Gamzee.

ac: :33 compurrletley. And I think that- oh!

cC:/x/what?

ac: :33 spoilers!

ac: :33 s33, I'm at a purroint in your future.

cC:/x/Ah. So, do we meet in 'purrson?'

ac: :33 most purrtainly. ;3

ac: :33 so, what about mew?

cC:/x/Me?

cC:/x/I would assume Vriska for my Kismesis.

cC:/x/Anywhere close?

ac: :33 Maybe!

ac: :33 and your matespurrit?

cC:/x/Wow. IDK.

ac: :33 well, it's been fun! but i'm afurred i have to go.

cC:/x/Goodbye!

ac: :33 bye!

arsenicCatnip (ac) ceased trolling cyberController (cC) at 14:22

cC:/x/*sigh*

cC:/x/3

Dylan: Receive communications.

You are now Dylan. And someone is pestering you.

grimAuxiliatrix (ga) began trolling drumheadGameboy (dG) at 13:45

dG: who the fuck are you

dG: james what the hell are you doing now

ga: Um

ga: My Name Is Kanaya

dG: arent you one of those troll things that james is always blabbering on about

ga: Yes

ga: I Am A Member Of The Species Known As A Troll

ga: Also I Am Your Patron Troll

dG: the fuck does that mean

ga: It Means I'm Supposed To Help You On Your Quest

dG: the fuck you talking about

dG: i have no quest

ga: You Sound Kind Of Like Karkat

dG: seriously

dG: the hell is karkat?

ga: Um

ga: How Do I Explain This

dG: by leaving

dG: seriously, youre either james or rei screwing with me

ga: Nepeta Told Me To Tell You To Check My IP

dG: and who the hell is nepeta?

dG: whatever, screw it

dG: okay

dG: dafuq?

dG: since when is HSKTP019928753 a valid ip?

dG: that literally makes zero sense

ga: Told You

ga: I'm Not One Of Your Friends

ga: Yet

dG: yet?

ga: In The Future, We Become Quite Good Friends

dG: the future

dG: how can you know about the motherfucking future?

ga: It Already Happened For Me

dG: well that clears the whole mess up

dG: tell me more about this quest

ga: You Are The One Destined To Find The Game For Your Session

ga: I Believe That You Humans Have A Search Engine Called "Google?"

dG: yeah

ga: Please Use It To Google "SBURB Beta"

ga: At Least, That's What You Told Me To Tell You

dG: alright

dG: see you later i guess

grimAuxiliatrix (ga)ceased trolling drumhead gameboy (dG) at 14:03

Rei: Do the same thing as the other two.

What other two? You have no idea what that means and oh look someone is pestering you.

arachnidsGrip (ag) began trolling eternallyMagical (eM) at 14:45

ag: hello?  
>eM: James, now ain't the time for an rp<p>

eM: we have to figure out this karkat thing

ag: w8 a second and listen to me

eM: why is your IP different?

ag: because it's vriska

ag: the real vriska

eM: sure

eM: and my name is Elizabeth I, Queen of England

ag: rei

ag: shut up and listen

eM: bingo

eM: why would Vriska know my name?

ag: we've met, stupid

ag: when you go into the game, we come through the furthest ring

ag: and the alpha and 8eta kids arrive on a 8attleship through the wall

ag: and then we pick you guys up and use the 8attleship engines and jade's space powers to move the asteroid superfast and th8's where we are now

eM: and why is that?

eM: why do we leave?

ag: 8ecause we need you guys to stop-

ag: fine

eM: what?

ag: karkat says I'm not allowed to say

eM: and why should I believe you?

ag: the important thing here is my message

ag: which is: you need to let james lead the team

eM: like he could lead anything

ag: just trust me on this one

ag: please

eM: fine

eM: I can't find anything that would disprove that

eM: so I'll temporarily assume it's true.

ag: thanks, m8

eM: what?

ag: now, it's getting l8

ag: i have to go

eM: were you trying to say something else?

ag: what would th8 be?

ag: good8ye

arachnidsGrip (ag) ceased trolling eternallyMagical (eM) at 15:13

HA: Write a long scene for one character with no interruptions for a change.

Good idea! You decide to do just that.

You are now James again. You see an eMail from Dylan with the title "SBURB BETA."

It begins.

END OF ACT 1 PART 1


	2. Chapter 2

ACT 1 PART 2: ENTER SKAIA

James: Flip out.

And you flip out.

This isn't happening. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING. You shakily open the email. It's a download, with the note "i just spoke to one of those troll things, and she told me to send this to you guys" written underneath. Dylan sent this eMail to you, Rei, AyJay, and Rose. Gulp.

You download the game, realizing that the freak meteor shower that had the fandom up in a clamor actually _was_ the first wave of failed SBURB games. You pester Dylan.

cyberController (cC) began pestering drumhead gameboy (dG) at 14:34

cC: DUDE WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT GAME

dG: steam

dG: it just came out like three days ago

cC: Dude, you just caused the end of the world. Along with the rest of the people who started it up.

dG: that could be a problem

cC: fine

cC: alright

cC: contingency plan into motion

cC: I'll be your server player

cC: you'll server for AyJay, who'll server for Rose, for Rei, for me respectively in a loop.

dG: what does that even mean

cC: hang on

cC: it means this

You pick up Dylan's bed. He freaks out.

dG: WHAT THE FUCK  
>dG: ARE YOU DOING THIS?<p>

cC: yes.

cC: hang on. Rei's pestering me.

You simultaneously answer Rei, deploy the items in Dylan's house, and warn him not to hit the cruxtruder until you say to.

eternallyMagicial (eM) began pestering cyberController (cC) at 14:39

eM: did you get the email?

cC: Yup.

eM: I guess it was the real Vriska.

cC: And I was actually talking to Nepeta.

eM: you talked to nepeta?

cC: yeah, just a few-

cC: what the fuck is he doing?

cC: fuck

eM: what?

cC: Dylan just knocked the lid off the cruxtruder and initiated the countdown.

cC: I gotta go help him

cyberController (cC) ceased being pestered at 14: 41

cyberController (cC) began pestering drumhead gameboy (dG) at 14:41

cC: DUDE WHAT THE HELL

dG: what the fuck is this floating spirograph thing

cC: I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!

dG: whatever

dG: why does it matter?

cC: IF WE DON'T MOVE FAST, YOUR HOUSE WILL BE DESTROYED BY A METEOR!

dG: oh

dG: that's a problem

cC: okay. okay. I can get you through this.

cC: first, throw something into the floating spirograph thing.

dG: like this?

cC: okay.

dG: woah it changed

dG: it looks like my xbox

cC: yup. Now the enemies in the game will either be part xbox or-

cC: what was the last game you had loaded up?

dG: Castle Crashers

dG: wait

cC: SHIT

dG: DOUBLE SHIT

cC: okay gotta move fast

cC: get some cruxite

cC: use the lathe to carve a totem using the card in your sylladex

cC: put it on the alchemiter

cC: and use the item

cC: five minutes go

dG: bring it

Four minutes and fifteen seconds later, Dylan alchemizes a salami sandwich. What? Whatever. The point is that he enters the medium, and finds himself on the Land of Pixels and Forest. One friend temporarily not dead by meteor. And with a fully alive and now awake dreamself, he appears to be fine for now. Time to get your ass in gear and enter.

Rei deploys the cruxtruder, and after deploying the other two items, you pop the lid off, revealing a green-and-blue kernelsprite. Before you can react, a Bone graphic novel falls in. SHIT. This probably means that the Black Queen is now the Hooded One. Or worse, Kingdok himself. Focus. For minutes and forty-five seconds later, and you'll be standing in a crater. Or in the Incipisphere. Hopefully the second one.

You already know how the alchemizing system works. Thank you, Homestuck. Punch card, cruxtruder, totem laythe, aaaaaaand alchimeter.

Two minutes and thirty seconds later, you create a bottle of soda. You're safe. You pick up the bottle and drink it.

The transport is not the flash of light as seen from the outside. You see what appears to be the warp from the end of a level in Bejeweled. Hmm.

You emerge into a planet in darkness. You step out onto your deck. There is a pleasant, warm drizzle. It's dark, but there are millions of stars and two bright, full moons.

Welcome to LONAR, the Land of Night and Rain.

Alchemy time. You head down to your NERF arsenal. Time to make some NERF guns bitchin' real.

A good hour of alchemy later, you have made the DUAL BLASTER GUNSWORDS OF JESSE JAMES. Hell yes. Cowboy guns, Star Wars Blasters, several NERF guns, a Pirate Sword, and two cowboy revolvers went into these bad boys. You check in on Dylan. HE appears to have been alchemizing his drumsticks. He's turned them into the BEATMASTER QUAKESTICKS SUPREME. Pretty sweet looking. You have also made some SHADETOPS, and a TRENCHCOAT OF ARMS. Time to make some serious progress on that echeladder.

You are now Rei, because reasons. Rose has deployed the alchemy machines, and you prototype a pair of binoculars. Should create some interesting enemies. After a quick alchemy, you enter the Land of Wind and Islands. You are on a large island in the tropics. You're going to need a bigger boat. You decide to do a little alchemy, and thanks to a hack that gives you unlimited grist of certain kinds (but only during alchemy), you soon alchemize the KNIFE OF AGES. Pretty cool sounding.

Two characters to go. You are now AyJay. Yes, him.

Dylan puts down the gadgets, and you prototype a movie. Only afterwards do you realize it was Jurassic Park. Oops.

You move quickly, alchemize your item, and enter the Land of Cogs and Ridges. Hmm. You alchemize and create the AXE OF BRUTAL TRUTH. Also, let's just assume that everybody made a hands-free computer. You check in on Rose. She's alchemizing…. oh no. She just grabbed something and threw it. And it was a book of Doctor Who characters. It included every monster ever fought by the Doctors. This is not good. She enters the Land of Hills and Shade. Her alchemy creates the CHAINSAW OF BARAD-DÛR. She then collapses it into the LIPSTICK OF SAURON. Hella boss.

The author is glad that he's done with exposition for now.

You are now James again. You are currently bustin' up the place something fierce. You have been focusing on skyrocketing up the echeladder, and have already made it to the rank of YOUNG SLAYER OF FOUL ONES. The enemies have been getting harder to beat, suddenly flashing and then changing and gaining new powers. So far, you have encountered a huge assortment of Imps, Ogres, and Skeletons. From the look of things, your friends seem to br prototyping whatever they can get their hands on.

You decide it's time to finish your sprite. After performing a rather unnecessary series of backflips and jumps, you slip through a window into your bedroom. You grab a poster off the wall and glance at it as you throw it in. CAPTAIN EO.

HELL. FUCKING. YES.

There's a flash of light, and your sprite gains the appearance of Michael Jackson.

EOSPRITE: Hey.

James: OH MY GOD. THAT WORKED.

EOSPRITE: It totally did.

James: Alright. Are you ready to party, Captain?

EOSPRITE: Whenever you are.

You then proceed to kick some more ass. EOSPRITE is currently unleashing his transformation beam. Instead of killing the imps, it transforms them into denizens. Bears? You thought all the denizens were amphibians or reptiles. It must be different for your session. You get back to slicing up an ogre when you are contacted.

arachnidsGrip (ag) began trolling cyberController (cC) at 17:37

cC:/x/Vwhiskers?

ag: oh gr8

ag: she got someone else doing it too

cC:/x/Ha Ha

cC:/x/Leave me alone.

ag: no

ag: i have important inform8ion

cC:/x/Like what?

ag: like your session is fucked up

cC:/x/Tell me something Karkat hasn't said like a hundred times.

ag: not like th8.

ag: your aspect is…..

ag: not normal.

cC:/x/And why is that?

ag: it's shadow. now listen…

Author: Annoy readers by not revealing plot details just yet.

The author grins manically. After that teaser, he ends the chapter.

END ACT 1 PART 2


End file.
